The Best a Man can Get

posted 30 Oct 2003, 3PM | 15 Comments

Hey. So, I've historically made a number of sarcastic comments about all of the time and energy and money poured into what is essentially superfluous luxury technology, especially when it comes to the toothbrush. There are shapes and sizes and colors; rubber points, bristle indicators, bristle arrangements, flip-top heads, sonic waves and vibrating handles and so on and so on. Apparently all of this crap is necessary because a) we're all to lazy to take the time to brush our teeth thoroughly with a standard toothbrush, and b) we've all been suckered into eating all sorts of unnatural sugary acidic junkfood, thanks to comparable campaigns surrounding food tech breakthroughs - X-treme whipped portable sweetened yogurt, SuperCoke, McGriddleFat sammiches, Olestra snacks, beef sticks, cheesteaks and funny shaped noveltie lunchable candy. Because,certainly, fruits and vegetables aren't interesting or tasty enough. All of this product R+D energy could be put into cancer research or something, but there's no money in cancer. Besides, it seems pretty clear that soda is causing all of the cancer in the first place, if you ask me.

I'm, er, digressing. Anyway, so I'm growing up to be the sort of fellow who likes to talk trash about product placement and marketing, who actively resists and sometimes openly defies (like my father) the implication made by every television in the room and billboard on the horizon that my life is MISSING something. I know how the advertising tricks work. This certain something can be regained in the form of some new and satisfying shiny product, waiting for me with open arms at some local store, complete with the latest innovation developed to get an edge over the competing brand. I know this, but of course I still find myself eating processed cheese, and I'm impressed with new sorts of food products, and I really like watching flashy well-produced car ads, and I crave candy and electronics, and I recently ate a McGriddle even though I'd already read Fast-Food Nation, and sometimes I like soda, and I find toothbrush innovations to be remarkably clever. The usual crap.

And surely the best example of my hypocritical life as a sporadically defiant, post-post-modern consumer is my complete love of the new Gillette MACH3Turbo razor. I hate Gilette for their stupid XTREME product names, those obnoxious flying laser blade graphics campaigns, and their downright outlandish prices. Last night I dropped $17 on their latest "best shave ever", plus 4 extra blades. The impossible-to-open razor package actually came with a 6-bit brushed stainless screwdriver, which looks pretty sturdy and cool, and I'll certainly get some use out of it.

But here's the rub: the Mach3Turbo shave is fucking fantastic. It actually makes other razors seem retarded. I can't believe that ten years ago I using my father's double sided Shick razor - more or less the equivalent of shaving with the rusty bow of a freight barge. Recently I bought a generic three blade razor, and it was a joke. Gillette has me. I can tell they're hooking me like crack, and I don't care. My face feels that good. My life is perfect now.

There are 15 Comments


30 Oct 03 at 03:55PM peter said:

When I turned 18, Gillette sent me a free razor and a couple blades in the mail. How they learned of my birthday remains a mystery to me (some other company probably sold them my information, the bastards), but the point is that I started using the razor, mostly out of curiousity. Little did I know that I would soon become addicted, and that as a result I would spend a small fortune on replacement blades. Even though I also own a pretty decent Norelco electric razor, nothing beats a Gillette shave in the shower.


30 Oct 03 at 05:20PM girlfriend said:

man, ryan's not kidding. His face felt like a newborn baby's bottom it was stellar. I had no idea he switched! But now it all makes sense.
I'll be stealing it promptly to put it through the challenge of long legs!


31 Oct 03 at 12:45AM jonas said:

hey, they don't have those here in switzerland yet. i want to be addicted too, seriously. it just doesn't seem fair that europe is kept behind for useful things like razor blades. we can, however, download polyphonic robbie williams ringtones on our camera phones for about 2 bucks a pop.


31 Oct 03 at 05:57AM Jenn said:

The Gillette Venus for women cannot even compare to the Mach 3. I will never shave my legs again with anything but those ridiculously expensive Mach 3 blades. Ryan's right -- that's it. They've got me. I'm never going back. I hate them, those crafty Bostonian bastards.


31 Oct 03 at 09:02AM RobbyB said:

Along with Peter, I got my Gillette Sensor razor on my 18th Birthday (to the day, I think.) I used it pretty regularly from that day, upgrading to the MACH 3 blades, which were conveniently compatable. On my 28th birthday, when a friend learned that I had the same razor stem for 10 years, she got me the the MACH 3 TURBO, which I plan to use it for another ten years. It's just too nice to use anything else.


31 Oct 03 at 09:58AM ryan said:

You actually used the same razor stem for 10 years? That's impressive. Way to stick it to the man. I seem to lose or break my razor stem and tray every few months.

But that's all going to change now that I have a matching razor / screwdriver set.


3 Nov 03 at 07:01AM Adam said:

It's like feeling 10 years old all over again.


9 Nov 03 at 08:54PM Gabe said:

Is there any difference (besides the red-makes-it-faster color) between the Mach 3 Turbo and the Mach 3? I've been a long time fan of the M3 and can't help but wonder if I'm missing something about the M3T...


25 Nov 03 at 06:22PM Chris Vance said:

My brother got a Mach3 Turbo in the mail as well when he turned 18. I use a M3T myself — I've been happy with it.

It's my understanding that the replacement blades work on all Mach3 razors (it says it in fine print on the replacement blade package somewhere). I think the red razor Gabe refers to is the Mach3 Extreme razor (or something) because the M3Turbo is silver, an updated version of the Mach3.

If you use M3T blades with the Mach3, I think all you're missing in the M3T system is the razor stem.

The fine print: I am now employed by Gillette, but do not speak for the company.


5 Dec 03 at 10:32AM Adam Rice said:

I was sent one of those Mach3 razors for no occasion a year or so ago. I used it until the blade got dull. When I checked out replacement blades, the sticker shock dissuaded me.

It did give a good shave, but I had a really hard time getting under my nose because the cartridge is just so big.


6 Dec 03 at 12:30PM jackass said:

I want to know if Ryan's girlfriend can provide us with some feedback after she used the M3T on her pubic hair plz.


30 Jan 04 at 08:34PM ted fust said:

I came across a new product called Edgesaver that claims to increase blade life by 20x. Anyway, I shave my head and go through 1 Mach 3 blade every 5 shaves. This product is a god send for me. I'm now getting over 25 good shaves with a single blade. I highly recommend the product after using it for over 3 months. I think you can only buy online and I don't remember what their web address is so you'll need to do a search on google. Hope this helps...


17 Feb 04 at 10:31AM tim said:

I too have used the M3 and M3T. I am a cheap bastard that can't stand the thoughts of paying so much money for blades. I will go to extreme measures in the store to get an inexpensive "3" blade razor, take it home and wonder what in the hell did I put my face through the meat grinder for, and go back to the M3.


17 Feb 04 at 10:54PM Mike said:

I got a Gillette Sensoe Excel for my 18th birthday. I used that razor until the Mach 3 came out. I bought a huge pack of blades at Sam's Club (bulk store), but as soon as I finish off these blades I'm getting the red Mach 3 Turbo Champion. I shave against the grain anyway because my whiskers are so thick, so it will be wonderful to have a razor designed for it. I've been using Gillette for 9 years now.


9 Jun 04 at 08:19PM Bill said:

Do they make generic replacement blades for Norelco Lift and Cut 710RL electric shaver? The Norelco replacement HQ 4 is $20-25.....

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