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September 7th, 2000, 9:19 PM |
autumn coming, where have i been? |
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i'll be writing this quickly. the energy leaves my body early these days. bedtime approaches long before the hours grow wee. the shape of the season is really rolling over, my brother flown off to college in minnesota, my sister back at high school, cold ass mornings and cool ass evenings, all of my friends carefully vacating my hometown. even erik, my next-door-friend of many years, keeps himself occupied. i enjoy working on the course. days fly by. a quick walk, and i'm back home, as 7 pm rolls around. still, it feels good to be physically active, pushing myself and earning money, even if it's not a career. you can't imagine how thew days fly by, coffee and corn muffins, lunch in the sterns' kitchen, cruising in golf carts and trucks, back hoes, tractors. laughing, joking, then unsupervised for four hours, fighting erosion, mowing fresh greens. today i drove a vehicle i never knew about. i nick-named it the Mantis. it had four airplane tires. the body was partially a ford F-150, i think. what a great jalopy. the gas pedal was a spring tied to string. priceless stories. There's so much I've wanted to write down this summer. I think it has been the most important summer of my life. It put me in my place, perhaps. I had my first real experience with loneliness. I discovered that when it comes to relationships, I don't know what I want. Sex can really twist emotions. Comfort and satisfaction are quite different. I don't know what I want to do. I had all these plans to write a long piece about thoughts and feelings, but fuck it. I don't need to bother with that kind of review. Maybe I'll put up a photo slide show or something, when there's time. 'Cause there was a lot of fun in there, too. i enjoy living at home, to be sure. family life with younger siblings keeps me occupied. but now i'm prepared to get out of here. i'm ready to stop waiting around for myself. sure, real life doesn't always come as smooth and as pretty as big college ideas, but it can. i'm livin' right now. this is it. i'm tired of comparing my situations to other people's and to my own petty notions. blah, blah. words, words, wor
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