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four price road number five |
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The following events occurred in our bathroom:
1. September, 97: Dan knocks the lid off of the toilet tank and it breaks in two, smashing the hollow porcelain bowl. Joshua surveys the damage, then flushes the toilet and floods the bathroom. Our landlord Jimmy The Greek surveys the damage, then flushes the toilet and floods the bathroom again. Soon we get a new toilet.
2. The temperature of the water falling from the shower head spontaneously jumps up to 180 degrees or down to 45 degrees, causing the shower occupant to attempt to jump away and possibly fall. This behavior is impossible to predict. (Note that this incident occurs every day.) |
Joshua, Daniel and Ryan: Red-faced Roommates. |
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3. Winter, 98: Joshua opens the door and passes out on the floor mat while Daniel looks on, taking a dump.
4. The scalding hot water pipe located on the wall across from the sink burns the ass of the individual attempting to towel off his lower limbs. (Note that this incident occurs every day.)
5. New Year's Day, 98: Ryan, Jonas, Dave and Fatty awake to the sound of Joshua unloading vast quantities of liquid from his throat into the toilet. |
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Erin, Nikki, and the Apt 5 Vibe.
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6. Daniel is really in trouble, and he demands that Dave Valente get out of the bathroom, shouting "I'm not fucking around here, man!", then burps, bursts through the door, exclaims "Dammit!" and yukes into the sink while Dave flees, pulling up his pants.
7. Winter to Summer, 98: Ryan occasionally constructs an elaborate apparatus to fall on Joshua when he exits the bathroom.
8. Discovering the lack of toilet paper, a bathroom occupant is forced to make other arrangements. (Note that this incident occurs every week.)
9. April, 98: Dave does a keg-stand and falls over into the tub, no thanks to the three people attempting to hold him up.
10. Spring, 98: The light in the bathroom becomes bright yellow. Ryan theorizes that there had been two bulbs in the ceiling lamp, one white and one yellow, and that the white bulb burnt out. This theory stands for several days, until the glass cover of the lamp is pulled down and found to contain a foul-smelling yellow liquid. It is emptied, but fills up again one day later. This mystery is never solved.
11. Summer, 98: While Daniel takes a bath, Joshua teases him by opening the door. Daniel cries out, in his most vulnerable moment ever, "Close the door you fuckin' jerk!" |
