Sixfoot6.com - Putting Stuff Away.

What an uncharacteristically odd mix of emotions last night. On Friday Jenny and I ran a Uhaul load of stuff to Santa Barbara. I stayed through the weekend (hiding out reading The Half-Blood Prince during her sister's estrogen-heavy baby shower) and returned to L.A. alone on Sunday, looking ahead toward three more days at USC; three more nights cleaning our apartment, shipping our belongings; three days away from my fianc�.

I spent the afternoon with Andrew, eating and gaming through goodbyes, and at dusk I returned alone to my dusty apartment and cleaned up a bit, drinking lots of green tea, eating almost nothing.

Then, 3:30am: I couldn't sleep, having just finished the Harry Potter book, futon on the floor, trash everywhere, filled with an uncomfortable sadness, hot and hungry, thinking about saying goodbye to my home, to Nicole and Jakob, thinking about our journey back east, Dumbledore and dust, Jenny and Jade and Ginny all twisted together, laying alone, knowing what needs to come next, letting go of what stays behind. Books unwritten, coming of age, fact and fantasy, missing my girl.

A childish moment too beautifully adult for my own head. I'm not out of it yet.

I see, now, that I will miss this place.